If one day i have my own baby girl, Ellen would be one of my favorite name i like to give her. Because i love Ellen so much (and I'm watching her show again with teary eyes *-*). And naming my baby like someone i adores will give me so much believes and good positive feelings that my baby will grow up and be wonderful like that someone. My baby Ellen would be the kindest person. Or doesn't matter whatever name i finally choose to name my baby, he/she 's gunna be kind. Be very kind. Becuz kind people melted my heart.
But well .. i mean if i will ever have one :)
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Friday, November 14, 2014
How
Can anybody give me an answer on how to not be hungry and crave for food all the fucking time?Cause I'm just constantly eating all day long.
An elephant couldn't fill my stomach.
A dinosaur would maybe fill half of it...
which is why 2 dinos would probably do.
Ok forget the first question now can anybody tell me where to find them dinosaurs?
I would like to have 2 fucking t-rex.
>wwwwwwww<
Today I'm Thankful for:
-Was able to cut ลูกมด's nails.
-Last night i found เพชรพระอุมา audiobook so today i let my grandmom listens to it. New thing to entertain her.
An elephant couldn't fill my stomach.
A dinosaur would maybe fill half of it...
which is why 2 dinos would probably do.
Ok forget the first question now can anybody tell me where to find them dinosaurs?
I would like to have 2 fucking t-rex.
>wwwwwwww<
Today I'm Thankful for:
-Was able to cut ลูกมด's nails.
-Last night i found เพชรพระอุมา audiobook so today i let my grandmom listens to it. New thing to entertain her.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Paperworks
I feel like it was already a very long time ago since i've matched with the host family and yet I still haven't apply for the visa thing. And right now what i need to do is working on all the paperwork. So many papers it's a joke. i hate working on this papers and documents things so much but there's no way i could escape from them this time. So stop complaining and let's just do it!
It's already driving me crazy just thinking about tons of papers I need to print out...
Oh kay, stop complaining.
It's already driving me crazy just thinking about tons of papers I need to print out...
Oh kay, stop complaining.
was digging through pile of secondhand stuffed doll the other day and this ''Kitty Perry'' caught my eyes. |
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
BD
Today's my brother's birthday. Actually as a family tradition(starts this year) all of us supposed to go out and have dinner somewhere together. But i don't know what my brother is thinking but he has been acting so weird lately. He just decided he doesn't want to do anything special on his birthday..not eat out together...nothing. It's making me sad. I am the one who told my mom(and she couldn't agree more) that we need to eat out together on every family member's birthdays(and we've been doing that ever since) Just because it's the only way to bring everybody back together. We rarely have activities that we all do together and i've always wanted us to be closer. As lazy as I am, I have to push myself to go out and have bd dinner with the whole family every time because it's the only day we all get to reunite and spend some times as a family. I hope my brother can see that one day. Nobody can tell him what to do anymore. We are all so grow up and we do what we want to do. And it's his day so he get to pick what he wants to do or not do. I'm not gonna push him to do something he doesn't feel like doing and I'm not arguing with what he wants to do but i decide to still give him birthday present because he deserves to get it and because i still want it to be special to him.
I know as much as he doesn't seem to care about his day, he will definitely be thankful for even the littlest thing i give him. He's a very good brother, very helpful and always can make me laugh(when he wants to). I know what we do for him today will make him contemplate more about us as a family. Maybe not today but I'm sure one day he will understand and see the point of why we do what we do now.
My mom gives him also something chocolatey. We went to the mall and bought them the other day. Mom also bought herself a new touch screen phone. It's nothing fancy tho. she just need a new cellphone that can call and take photo. So i pick her simple inexpensive one that has a camera. And she has to learn how to do everything on that phone now. By ''everything'' I mean how to unlock, call, answer a call, read message, take photo, charge battery.... She's a slow learner like most adults her age so we both agree on not even think about going further on learning how to use the internet from there because it will certainly be too confusing. Before she only had a very old fashion phone and not a touch screen. So landing her finger on the touch screen thing is like landing herself on the new found planet someone just discovered. It's unbelievable to think that in year 2014 someone really just has no idea how the touch screen thing work. I always know my mom doesn't know how it works because she never uses it. But seeing her actually learning how to use it and see that she really doesn't know what she's doing is so much more fascinating lol
Today I'm thankful for:
-I was able to convince my grandmom to have a small walk!
-Get to give my brother his bd's present.
I know as much as he doesn't seem to care about his day, he will definitely be thankful for even the littlest thing i give him. He's a very good brother, very helpful and always can make me laugh(when he wants to). I know what we do for him today will make him contemplate more about us as a family. Maybe not today but I'm sure one day he will understand and see the point of why we do what we do now.
Present for my brother .. a crochet kitty cat and some chocolates
|
My mom gives him also something chocolatey. We went to the mall and bought them the other day. Mom also bought herself a new touch screen phone. It's nothing fancy tho. she just need a new cellphone that can call and take photo. So i pick her simple inexpensive one that has a camera. And she has to learn how to do everything on that phone now. By ''everything'' I mean how to unlock, call, answer a call, read message, take photo, charge battery.... She's a slow learner like most adults her age so we both agree on not even think about going further on learning how to use the internet from there because it will certainly be too confusing. Before she only had a very old fashion phone and not a touch screen. So landing her finger on the touch screen thing is like landing herself on the new found planet someone just discovered. It's unbelievable to think that in year 2014 someone really just has no idea how the touch screen thing work. I always know my mom doesn't know how it works because she never uses it. But seeing her actually learning how to use it and see that she really doesn't know what she's doing is so much more fascinating lol
Spooky bread in a bakery shop reminds me that halloween is coming! |
Today I'm thankful for:
-I was able to convince my grandmom to have a small walk!
-Get to give my brother his bd's present.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Coming
My brother's birthday is coming up on Oct 29. I'm thinking about making him this chocolate bar. I found a good recipe that looks real easy. And since my brother loves chocolate, this present can never go wrong. Another thing I'm thinking of is to crochet him an amigurumi kitty cat. He becomes such a cataholic since he has his own pet cat and he has been asking me to crochet it for him so many times before. So I'm sure this will make also make another great bd's present for him. It's kinda hard to pick present for guys. I always just get stuck on stupid present's idea like giving food/snack. It feels like a safe choice since everyone need to eat.
By the way, I'm positive that the spiritual things i listened to at night before bedtime did help me to fall asleep easier. I think listening to anything like audio book should help, doesn't necessarily have to be only spiritual stuffs. Although i haven't yet try listening to something non-spiritual. And not music. I tried listen to music but it didn't work because it only kept me singing. And it's more like it's waking my brain up rather than relaxing it. And another thing I try was meditation...like focusing upon my breath. But that also didn't help because after like 5-10 mins. I got distracted and lost count of my breathing. Hmm...so i don't know if this will help but in case you have trouble falling asleep like me, I suggest you may try listening to audio book. I hope it works for anyone because I know how torturing it is to lay in bed for hours and hours trying every positions you could possibly think of and just wait for that moment when you can finally feel comfortable enough and drift off to a peaceful sleep. Nothing more terrible than having to deal with an endless battle every night .
Today I'm thankful for:
- My diligence to finally clean half of my bedroom.
- Dinner! It's like some curry but they add pineapple in and cook it together with duck meat. Now i remember that pineapple helps to make the meat tender and for this dish, it also gives sweet & juicy taste to it. Perfect combination i should try to cook something like this sometime.
Some of my crochet collection |
By the way, I'm positive that the spiritual things i listened to at night before bedtime did help me to fall asleep easier. I think listening to anything like audio book should help, doesn't necessarily have to be only spiritual stuffs. Although i haven't yet try listening to something non-spiritual. And not music. I tried listen to music but it didn't work because it only kept me singing. And it's more like it's waking my brain up rather than relaxing it. And another thing I try was meditation...like focusing upon my breath. But that also didn't help because after like 5-10 mins. I got distracted and lost count of my breathing. Hmm...so i don't know if this will help but in case you have trouble falling asleep like me, I suggest you may try listening to audio book. I hope it works for anyone because I know how torturing it is to lay in bed for hours and hours trying every positions you could possibly think of and just wait for that moment when you can finally feel comfortable enough and drift off to a peaceful sleep. Nothing more terrible than having to deal with an endless battle every night .
Today I'm thankful for:
- My diligence to finally clean half of my bedroom.
- Dinner! It's like some curry but they add pineapple in and cook it together with duck meat. Now i remember that pineapple helps to make the meat tender and for this dish, it also gives sweet & juicy taste to it. Perfect combination i should try to cook something like this sometime.
Monday, October 20, 2014
Match
Yes, I did it! and I'm going to Norway :D
Well...not until i get my visa done which will take some time on that.
But I'm soo excited already.
I thought I'm going to match with this family in Denmark i skyped with last week but things can change surprisingly and sometimes things we are so sure of might not exactly turn out the way we thought it'd be. So expect the unexpected because who knows that the unexpected can be far better off than the expect that you once thought was already best for you.
To be honest, I don't have a clue if this family I'm going to stay with will really be the nice one for sure. I mean i try to choose the one that seems best for me and I'm quite thorough when it comes to that because i don't want to end up staying with some mean family. But from my experience, noone knows anything about anybody until you get to know each other in real life and living together. I mean literally living together in the same house. That's when you can see each other's true colors. It's about risk and it's so much about luck. I still remember I didn't particularly like my host mom in Sweden when i talked to her on skype. It's something about her got me skeptical and so I didn't expect too much that she 'll be anything nice to me. But turned out i was all wrong and she's really one of the nicest person i know. So I was lucky enough to stay with such wonderful swedes and I like to think I'm a lucky person(hm..most of the time). I hope luck will be with me this time in Norway and .... everywhere i go. Because I'll be going alllll over europe !! Ok not alllll over but I'll be wandering around as many places as possible and.... as far as my purse will allow :3
Well...not until i get my visa done which will take some time on that.
But I'm soo excited already.
I thought I'm going to match with this family in Denmark i skyped with last week but things can change surprisingly and sometimes things we are so sure of might not exactly turn out the way we thought it'd be. So expect the unexpected because who knows that the unexpected can be far better off than the expect that you once thought was already best for you.
To be honest, I don't have a clue if this family I'm going to stay with will really be the nice one for sure. I mean i try to choose the one that seems best for me and I'm quite thorough when it comes to that because i don't want to end up staying with some mean family. But from my experience, noone knows anything about anybody until you get to know each other in real life and living together. I mean literally living together in the same house. That's when you can see each other's true colors. It's about risk and it's so much about luck. I still remember I didn't particularly like my host mom in Sweden when i talked to her on skype. It's something about her got me skeptical and so I didn't expect too much that she 'll be anything nice to me. But turned out i was all wrong and she's really one of the nicest person i know. So I was lucky enough to stay with such wonderful swedes and I like to think I'm a lucky person(hm..most of the time). I hope luck will be with me this time in Norway and .... everywhere i go. Because I'll be going alllll over europe !! Ok not alllll over but I'll be wandering around as many places as possible and.... as far as my purse will allow :3
Photo of Bergen city where i will be. It looks.......europe lol
Once i got there i'll take my own photos of how the original city actually looks like.
Bet it will be much more interesting than this internet photo because I get to snap it with my own eyes and shutter.
Today I'm thankful for:
- Complete the daily exercise
- Finally match with the host family!
- Wake up early at 8
- Last night i listen to some spiritual thing (the secret kind of). I really like it and i'm pretty sure it helps with my sleep because i fell asleep so easily after listening to it, when usually i will just lay on my bed for hours trying to get myself to sleep. I think this stuff is great so tonight i'll listen to it again.
Friday, October 10, 2014
Skin & skype
My facial skin getting sort of like a little breakouts quite often in the past 3 months so today I decide it's time to go meet with the doctor. I used to have really clear healthy skin. It's like the only thing I always get good comments from peopl and i used to feel so lucky i have such a good skin. Honestly, it was almost flawless. Until about a year ago I don't know what happen but my skin weren't the same. I mean people wouldn't say it's that bad but i feel it is myself cause when you used to always have such perfect skin almost all your life and one day it's changed. I feel a lot less confident and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. It does give me a lot of stress. I know i shouldn't worry about it too much but I'm just a girl and I wanna be beautiful the way i was before. I just want my flawless skin back!
The place is like a typical aesthetic clinic we have so many here in Thailand where they guarantee they can make you look beautiful from completely head to toe. Their slogan is ''Don't wait...for anybody to be prettier'' quite a slogan because suddenly it makes you feel the competition lol. Anyway, the doctor i meet with she's very kind which i really like that. It at least makes me feel like i made the right decision to go to this clinic. It's not a famous one but it's near to my place and there' re not so many people there(not sure if that's a good thing). They put on so many face masks and treatments on my face which take a very long time. I just lie there wishing i went to the toilet before this. I had treatments like this at other places before but it never take this long. But well I guess the longer the better because then they got more time to put more of the good stuffs on my face. And they did put so many.. like 10 different gels and creams altogether and some laser they says it helps with pimples. I was trying to count how many steps until it's all done but ended up giving up. Better to just relax and let them smear whatever those are on me.
On the way back I went to the mall and got this super cute eyebrows scissors and a contact lens case which I'm going to use as my vitamins container. I starts to take some daily vitamins since last month, so now I do need some small container to keep my vitamins for when i'm traveling. And I heard it's better to keep your vitamins in an opaque container and mostly all the pillbox i found they are kind of translucent. So this cute little thing should be a safer place for my vitamins!
I had just finished skyping with this danish family. I don't know if finally they will say yes although i have a good feelings. This one is a bit different from my swedish family because most of the time it's host dad who talks while host mom just listens along. Unlike my swedish family where host mom is the talkative one. That doesn't matter though about who talk more or less. This danish family seems to me like an honest and nice family enough for me to spend some quality years with when I'm in Denmark. They asked many questions and we skyped like an hour! That's a record. I don't mind though, it only gives me a good feeling they are serious about this. But they won't let me know until tomorrow for they 'll have to skype with another girl tomorrow night. Then they will decide if I'm the chosen one. They did used the word ''the chosen one'' and so I laughed a little. It's kinda funny.
Today I'm thankful for:
-Meet a kind doctor.
-Had a pleasant interview with the host family.
-Got some new cute stuffs.
-Granny likes the dessert i bought for her (she's picky about food).
On the way back I went to the mall and got this super cute eyebrows scissors and a contact lens case which I'm going to use as my vitamins container. I starts to take some daily vitamins since last month, so now I do need some small container to keep my vitamins for when i'm traveling. And I heard it's better to keep your vitamins in an opaque container and mostly all the pillbox i found they are kind of translucent. So this cute little thing should be a safer place for my vitamins!
I had just finished skyping with this danish family. I don't know if finally they will say yes although i have a good feelings. This one is a bit different from my swedish family because most of the time it's host dad who talks while host mom just listens along. Unlike my swedish family where host mom is the talkative one. That doesn't matter though about who talk more or less. This danish family seems to me like an honest and nice family enough for me to spend some quality years with when I'm in Denmark. They asked many questions and we skyped like an hour! That's a record. I don't mind though, it only gives me a good feeling they are serious about this. But they won't let me know until tomorrow for they 'll have to skype with another girl tomorrow night. Then they will decide if I'm the chosen one. They did used the word ''the chosen one'' and so I laughed a little. It's kinda funny.
Today I'm thankful for:
-Meet a kind doctor.
-Had a pleasant interview with the host family.
-Got some new cute stuffs.
-Granny likes the dessert i bought for her (she's picky about food).
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Host
Good I still keep my hopes up and wrote to another host family in Denmark couple days ago. Guess what, they write me back today says they are interested. So now I'm excited and looking forward to talk to them. Hopefully this time things will go well. I'm not gonna keep my hopes up too high this time because it happened before with this one lesbian family. I was so excited to talk to them and i liked them so much. We sent super long emails and sent many of them, asking & answering all kinds of questions. I don't remember ever writing emails to someone this long and I don't remember getting even longer reply. I felt like this is it. We're definitely going to match. I could imagine we get along because they seem to look at things the way i do with the same perspective and all that you know. And they really seem super nice. Plus the fact that they are lesbian just double my interest towards them. I don't know how people feel about it but I've never in my life get to really know anybody who is lesbian. And wouldn't it be great to actually get to know ones and be close fairly enough to them as a family member, living in the same house, etc. I'm sure they're not much different than other people because in the end we're all the same right. But I don't know, there's still something about them that interests me. Too bad we didn't match in the end because they decided to take someone else who's already in europe. So I was a little sad. And they were very sorry. I can't blame them though. Noone would want to wait when knowing they could get someone else a lot sooner. So i understand that. But just thinking i never feel like i like any families i talked to as much as how i like them before. But anyway, now i got over it. Just gonna keep my fingers crossed for this one. Hope it really works out with them. I don't want to wait any longer.
Today I'm thankful for:
Positive reply from new family
Today I'm thankful for:
Positive reply from new family
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Express
My grandmom totally took me by surprise today when she told me she loves me. It was very unusual of her to say such sweet thing lol. I mean we are super close but she never say stuff like this. She is one of those people who still stuck in the old generation where people have this feeling of embarrassment if they have to express their feelings too obviously. And I've always been trying to introduce her into the new generation of affectionate love and say it out loud if you love someone. Which I'm so happy to know that my attempt has finally worked out today when she says she loves me! I was just coming down to get my coffee and she just say ''you know what.. I do love you but don't get into my nerves so much. You know I'm old and I'm not so strong'' Something like that's what she said. I know i get into her nerves all the time. But it's so fun teasing her and everything. We laugh together a lot but since she's very old i know sometimes i was having too much fun with her, tease her and hug her too hard and kiss her too often. That does make her feel annoyed and tired. And she absolutely hates it when i kiss her (which make it 3 times more fun to see her trying to hide her face and tell me how weird i am for kissing her too much but in the same time she will have this half smile half laugh on her face because even she hates the kiss, she finds it's hilarious of me to be so persistent to kiss her. And that altogether pretty much cracks both us up lol)
I will have to write more about my grandmom one day because she's like the most important person in my life. I think a lot of us were raised by grandmom/grandpa when we were kids. I'm also raised by my grandmom and that's why I'm so close to her.
I feel like cooking something tomorrow. Haven't cook anything for a long time. Maybe fried rice since there's not so much of any fancy ingredients in my fridge(as usual).
Today I'm thankful for:
Hearing grandmom says she loves me
Oh almost forget to mention that I finally take my mcdonald garbage bag out of my bedroom today! After I let it sit here on my working table for month. Just always next to me. I could always see it in the corner of my eyes. Now it's gone and it feels like I just lost a dear friend.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Waiting
Mannn where are all the host families go?? I don't want to wait any longer.
Email the agency today and asked about this one family I skyped with one time before. They said they still haven't decide yet on any aupairs. I mean seriously, how long will it take for you to finally make a decision? It's been month!
Maybe I should really apply for the netherlands too. I'm sure there're tons of host family there. But i just really would be a lot happier to go to Norway. And for all the good reasons I know Norway is best for me.
I can't wait to go somewhere new and travel again.
Today I'm thankful for:
I'm alive (I know that's not very creative)
Email the agency today and asked about this one family I skyped with one time before. They said they still haven't decide yet on any aupairs. I mean seriously, how long will it take for you to finally make a decision? It's been month!
Maybe I should really apply for the netherlands too. I'm sure there're tons of host family there. But i just really would be a lot happier to go to Norway. And for all the good reasons I know Norway is best for me.
I can't wait to go somewhere new and travel again.
Today I'm thankful for:
I'm alive (I know that's not very creative)
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Laziness
Absolutely serious must do right away plan
1. lose weight
2. try to eat healthier
3. sleep early (2 am. the latest)
4. cook more
5. wake up no later than 12
6. shower everyday
7. clean my room
8. wash clothes more often
9. do more things
10. try to go out more
11. spend less time on the computer
12. move more
13. do some real exercise or at least dance 15 mins. every day
Most importantly is STOP BEING LAZY!
I have been wasting too much time sitting on my gigantic butt and just being lazy for way too long. This is unacceptable even to me. My mom never say anything but i know she feels something awful about it. In her mind she must have think what's got into her daughter. Well the laziness got into me, mom but now i have such a strong will to kick it OUT. Like seriously! I can't believe i still got this big Mcdonald garbage bag full of like 5 empty ice cream cups and burger wraps and french fries boxes and uncountable ketchup packets i ordered just to calm my late night craving of junk foods like 3 weeks ago or when was that i can't even remember. It was that long time and the bag still in my room. No smelly smell yet that's why i don't even bother to take it out.
Ok being unemployed means i have so much free times i could do whatever the hell i want to do or not do the hell at all which is exactly what i am doing now. But it's not right. I'm free from all the responsibilities at the moment but at least .. one thing.. just this one thing, I still need to be responsible at my own self. And I'm being so irresponsible at myself right now and it starts to make me feel a little crappy. Like what am i doing i'm just wasting my time and my youth and my life and everything. I should at least take care of myself and i'm not even doing that. I am just too busy doing absolutely nothing except for the things i wanna do (which consist only of me eating and being on my laptop all day) So the problem is that it's nothing i do. Zero! I didn't do shit. How scaringly unhealthy is that? I've become horribly horribly lazy. And trust me laziness is like the most evil behavior of all the other evil behaviors out there.
I'll update later. But tomorrow i'll be waking up at ... no more than 12. That's still late but since i've been getting up at 4 pm. everyday lately, 12 will most likely feel like 6 o'clock in the morning to me.
But I'll try set an alarm at 11 am. first. 11 with snooze.
Hope it works.
Today I'm thankful for:
The fact that i try to get rid of the laziness and a good plan for tomorrow.
and the fact that the world has someone so amazing like Ellen. Everytime I watch her show I fall in love with her all over again.
and the fact that the world has someone so amazing like Ellen. Everytime I watch her show I fall in love with her all over again.
Problem is that it's not just shower. First it's shower, then it's the applying lotion all over your body process. That always take long. And you can't just choose to do one thing like shower but no lotion. Or can you? It just doesn't feel right. It's like if you do it you do it good or not do it at all.
And what if it's 4 am. and you're kinda smelly but not 'that' smelly?
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Love, Rosie
Currently reading this book
Haven't finish it yet but so far
the story's been lovely!
Isn't everyone want to have best friend like this Alex from the book?
I will need to see the movie version because the trailer was so touching it got me goosebumps.
I hope they really make a great movie out of it. Cause if not...mann I hate being disappointed. Like with those twilight books, they are great great book! Then the movie came out as lame as they could make it to be. Absolutely nothing compares to the book.
Today's quote:
Sometimes, people can go missing right before our very eyes. Sometimes, people can discover you, even though they've been looking at you the entire time. Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we're not paying enough attention.
-Cecelia Ahern/Love, Rosie
Today I'm thankful for:
Rain! It rained almost all day today. And that lower the temperature to just about right!
If you ever want to read the book I got ya link !
http://marimarister.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/cecilia-ahern-love-rosie.pdf
Enjoy :)
Monday, September 29, 2014
Quote
Oh i just want to write this down before i forget.
It's a quote. I come up with it myself last night when i was lying on bed thinking about someone who i'd like to name Mr. pretending. It's a fake name obviously but he actually exist.
Here goes the quotes
-I won't forget you .. not because you mean so much to me. But how can i ever forget someone who i don't even remember in the first place.
-You're not a piece of shit because even a piece of shit still too much for you to be. You're just not exist. You're just nothing.
Ouch much?
I'm surprised at how i can be so mean cause usually I'm a nice girl. yes very nice you could slap me and i will still be smiling at you. no.
And I'm surprised that i actually devoted my brain so much into thinking of quotes for this Mr. Pretending. Sarcastic quotes like this usually use a lot more energy and passion than any other kind of quotes I would say. He should be proud of himself that after all this time he still influences me so much. But I'm sure he doesn't even know he does. I actually don't think he ever realized any of the shits he did that causing me to feel like a total idiot. He's brainless and probably slightly heartless too and he never seems to know what's going on. Or it could be that he knows all along but pretending not to know. That's how I named him Mr. pretending. And gosh just to hurt me even more I don't think he ever think of me anymore. And that makes me feel so damn stupid like i am the most pathetic girl in the whole entire universe who still cannot get over him and how pretending asshole and fake he is. It really sucks.
Sometimes i can almost convince myself to believe how much of an asshole he is. But most of the time i just think of him and smile pathetically alone then after caught myself thinking of him again for the eighty thousand times it just left me feeling so fucked up. I hate every seconds i spend hating over him cause i know i can never really hate him.
I just need to get over him. Get over every stupid things about him then i can be in peace again.
I am apologize for such deep intense anger i have you could probably feel it through every cursing words i swear but i can't help it.
Quote of the day:
''Give your love to those who deserve''
(I need to dig real deep into my brain and bury this quote in there, memorize it good and act accordingly just for the sake of my fragile heart!)
Today i am thankful for:
-I was able to force myself to go out for a little bit (to the supermarket)
-The 2 delicious cakes i bought from the market. Wanted to just eat one today and save another for tomorrow. But it was good so i just finished them all today. This happens all the time no surprise I'm fat.
-Thank you for new pens. They are awesome. Makes my crappy writing goes smoother than everr. It's just a pen but hey this is like GOD of all pens. It's that amazing cause I didn't expect it to write good or anything. I just bought them because they are super cheap. 20 baht for a pack of 8. And look how cheap stuff can actually be good. And how much I LOVE the 20 baht shop here!
Oh yea and I ain't got a diary yet cause they don't have that kind of diary i want. But instead got a notebook which i use it now as a temporary diary since i wanted to write so much with my new goddess pen.
It's a quote. I come up with it myself last night when i was lying on bed thinking about someone who i'd like to name Mr. pretending. It's a fake name obviously but he actually exist.
Here goes the quotes
-I won't forget you .. not because you mean so much to me. But how can i ever forget someone who i don't even remember in the first place.
-You're not a piece of shit because even a piece of shit still too much for you to be. You're just not exist. You're just nothing.
Ouch much?
I'm surprised at how i can be so mean cause usually I'm a nice girl. yes very nice you could slap me and i will still be smiling at you. no.
And I'm surprised that i actually devoted my brain so much into thinking of quotes for this Mr. Pretending. Sarcastic quotes like this usually use a lot more energy and passion than any other kind of quotes I would say. He should be proud of himself that after all this time he still influences me so much. But I'm sure he doesn't even know he does. I actually don't think he ever realized any of the shits he did that causing me to feel like a total idiot. He's brainless and probably slightly heartless too and he never seems to know what's going on. Or it could be that he knows all along but pretending not to know. That's how I named him Mr. pretending. And gosh just to hurt me even more I don't think he ever think of me anymore. And that makes me feel so damn stupid like i am the most pathetic girl in the whole entire universe who still cannot get over him and how pretending asshole and fake he is. It really sucks.
Sometimes i can almost convince myself to believe how much of an asshole he is. But most of the time i just think of him and smile pathetically alone then after caught myself thinking of him again for the eighty thousand times it just left me feeling so fucked up. I hate every seconds i spend hating over him cause i know i can never really hate him.
I just need to get over him. Get over every stupid things about him then i can be in peace again.
I am apologize for such deep intense anger i have you could probably feel it through every cursing words i swear but i can't help it.
Quote of the day:
''Give your love to those who deserve''
(I need to dig real deep into my brain and bury this quote in there, memorize it good and act accordingly just for the sake of my fragile heart!)
Today i am thankful for:
-I was able to force myself to go out for a little bit (to the supermarket)
-The 2 delicious cakes i bought from the market. Wanted to just eat one today and save another for tomorrow. But it was good so i just finished them all today. This happens all the time no surprise I'm fat.
-Thank you for new pens. They are awesome. Makes my crappy writing goes smoother than everr. It's just a pen but hey this is like GOD of all pens. It's that amazing cause I didn't expect it to write good or anything. I just bought them because they are super cheap. 20 baht for a pack of 8. And look how cheap stuff can actually be good. And how much I LOVE the 20 baht shop here!
Oh yea and I ain't got a diary yet cause they don't have that kind of diary i want. But instead got a notebook which i use it now as a temporary diary since i wanted to write so much with my new goddess pen.
This is like a school kid can't get over new stationary.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Concern
Still not gettin a real diary.
Haven't go out to the outside world yet that's why.
All i do is waking up as late as i possibly can , eat and go on the internet and eat and go on the goddamn internet and sleep and basically repeating that all over again the next day and the next days.
How cool is that
I am upset at myself for doing this but i can't stop doing it cuz in the same time it feel so relax so lazy and so free like you don't have to care about a single shit on the planet. You just breath in and out. I could anticipate my brain might stop working one day cuz i never use it to think of anything anymore.
Did not shower last night.
Woke up this afternoon (4.30pm) still haven't shower until now (2am)
Thanks god i was able to brush my teeth and wash my face.
So from neck up is kinda clean but body stinky.
Been watching movie all day.
At least i found something good to watch.
I really need to stop doing this to myself
But oh god it's just so hard.
i think i feel pretty normal today. And normal day to me means im pretty happy and i am.
But it's just the fact that it's such a useless life?...or i don't know.
To be honest i like it like this but i know i can't do this forever and the idea of not doing a thing all day long is considered as such a waste of one's life noone should ever live their life like that right?
Even though it's what I secretly hope I could do it everyday....hmm
Imagine how chillax life would be
but maybe that also comes with how meaningless you would feel...
Imagine how chillax life would be
but maybe that also comes with how meaningless you would feel...
A little bit of emotional roller-coaster day
well it's good it means I'm not as chill as i think i am and that my brain still working somewhat since i still have this worry about my life.
I still give some shit and that should be a relief!
Today I'm thankful for:
-I do have a concern about my own life
I guess it's difficult to think of things you're thankful for when you didn't do a damn thing all day
long.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Diary
I think if i am not too lazy tomorrow i will go buy myself a diary .. like a real diary book.
Because i feel like writing something so much since yesterday. Also i start going on pinterest so much lately and pin so many things. It's actually kinda fun...but ya So i have this feelings that i want to write stuffs then i go on pinterest and search for the diary ideas. Loads of nice pictures of diaries come up I just look through all but i don't think i really like any of them. Then i've been thinking so much about how i would like my diary book to be like. Like very pretty full of cute doodles & drawings and paint with colorful things..but then it hits me that i absolutely have no talent on such things like drawing or painting. But now i kinda know what i want and it simply just come up that i want it to be very normal, very simple diary. And it really doesn't need to be so fancy right? cuz i mean who's going to see it anyway. I am the only one who can see it and the idea of having it for me is to read what i did and what i felt on the particular days of my life. Like when in the future if i feel like want to know my old self of how i felt/think on that old days i can just always come back and reread. It'd be fun to remember your old self.
And I will also have a small section that i will write about
- Things to be thankful for today
or
- Today i am thankful for
Can't decide yet between those 2 section's name but so the section will be about the thing that i am thankful for the days.
This is good because then i can always remind myself to be thankful of something everyday.
And ''quotes'' cuz i love quotes so i think i might as well add quotes i like into the diary. This is not like a must have section but the thankful section will be a must to write every time i keep a diary cuz it's a good thing to always be thankful !!
Because i feel like writing something so much since yesterday. Also i start going on pinterest so much lately and pin so many things. It's actually kinda fun...but ya So i have this feelings that i want to write stuffs then i go on pinterest and search for the diary ideas. Loads of nice pictures of diaries come up I just look through all but i don't think i really like any of them. Then i've been thinking so much about how i would like my diary book to be like. Like very pretty full of cute doodles & drawings and paint with colorful things..but then it hits me that i absolutely have no talent on such things like drawing or painting. But now i kinda know what i want and it simply just come up that i want it to be very normal, very simple diary. And it really doesn't need to be so fancy right? cuz i mean who's going to see it anyway. I am the only one who can see it and the idea of having it for me is to read what i did and what i felt on the particular days of my life. Like when in the future if i feel like want to know my old self of how i felt/think on that old days i can just always come back and reread. It'd be fun to remember your old self.
And I will also have a small section that i will write about
- Things to be thankful for today
or
- Today i am thankful for
Can't decide yet between those 2 section's name but so the section will be about the thing that i am thankful for the days.
This is good because then i can always remind myself to be thankful of something everyday.
And ''quotes'' cuz i love quotes so i think i might as well add quotes i like into the diary. This is not like a must have section but the thankful section will be a must to write every time i keep a diary cuz it's a good thing to always be thankful !!
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Snow
Not much going except me being lazy as usual.
I am absolutely a person with no discipline in life and I do not like myself being like this but it's so hard to change when it's something you do for way too long.
I want rules! I want fixed schedule!
.....hmm no I'd hate that. That would kill me more.
Yesterday was the return of the unwanted snow. It was sort of like a small storm. Pretty heavy snow for the whole day. But today it starts to melt down which is perfect because then I can ride my scooter again this weekend. I hope it's the last snow for this winter.
I don't hate you snow... don't get me wrong. You are pretty and you are so fluffy. I like to touch you, to feel your fluffiness and squeeze you in my hands. You always give me that special feeling whenever you fall. Kind of like romantic , unreal , like I am in a dream where everything is white and bright. But it's better to be awake and get back to the real world no matter how good your dream is. And to me you are like a dream , snow. A beautiful dream. The kind that you want to last forever but how you know you can't because you got the reality waiting. And that reality to me is summer. Summer is real. Summer makes me feel alive. And sunshine can't just melt away. It brings everything up to life. It's quite something.
But snow, please don't be sad. Because you know even you are just a dream, you are those dreams i never want to give up on. It's like when they say ''we should never give up on our dream'' And i so believe that to be true. That's why I never give up on mine. And that's how i'll never give up on you.
We'll come to see each other when it's time. And let's fall together into those beautiful dreams.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
First
I can't believe how forgetful I've become after these years. It's frustrating when you can't recall what you want to recall. Especially if it is something you think it's important that you believe you will never forget it..not even in the next 10 years. Yet, you did forget it soon after it happened. Oh well, I guess my 27 years old brain does not function so well anymore.
I know 27 is not that old. But it's just shocking to me every time I think about how old I really am. I still feel so young just like when i was 17. but realizing i'm almost 30 years old woman is just crazy to me.
Me turning 30 really?
So I will start writing my blog now so I can keep records of what I do in life and not to forget it again because it is that frustrating.
And today is also a very very special day to my friend in Thailand ''Pa''
She got married today and I wanted be there so bad but I stuck here...
She got married today and I wanted be there so bad but I stuck here...
There're ton of her wedding pictures posted on facebook. They got me screaming and cursing at my laptop because i wanted to be there and celebrating with them but again i stuck here...
She's just so gorgeous today and got that stunning bride's aura shining through her. I am so happy for her. We are friends since high school. She is the first in our group who got married. Now still 4 of us left. I have no idea if anyone in these 4 will get married next or if us 4 will get married at all lol
It's quite nice weather today. Very sunny but super windy. I walk 1 hour and 10 mins to the supermarket without listening to a song on my phone. And all I hear was the sound of nature the whole way through. Good exercise!
I feel spring is coming! Small flowers start to grow back again. But it's going to snow again already for this coming week. Although, it's nice to feel a little fake spring time on the weekend :)
The beauty of leafless
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)