BD

Today's my brother's birthday. Actually as a family tradition(starts this year) all of us supposed to go out and have dinner somewhere together. But i don't know what my brother is thinking but he has been acting so weird lately. He just decided he doesn't want to do anything special on his birthday..not eat out together...nothing. It's making me sad. I am the one who told my mom(and she couldn't agree more) that we need to eat out together on every family member's birthdays(and we've been doing that ever since) Just because it's the only way to bring everybody back together.  We rarely have activities that we all do together and i've always wanted us to be closer. As lazy as I am, I have to push myself to go out and have bd dinner with the whole family every time because it's the only day we all get to reunite and spend some times as a family. I hope my brother can see that one day. Nobody can tell him what to do anymore. We are all so grow up and we do what we want to do. And it's his day so he get to pick what he wants to do or not do. I'm not gonna push him to do something he doesn't feel like doing and I'm not arguing with what he wants to do but i decide to still give him birthday present because he deserves to get it and because i still want it to be special to him.

I know as much as he doesn't seem to care about his day, he will definitely be thankful for even the littlest thing i give him. He's a very good brother, very helpful and always can make me laugh(when he wants to). I know what we do for him today will make him contemplate more about us as a family. Maybe not today but I'm sure one day he will understand and see the point of why we do what we do now.

Present for my brother .. a crochet kitty cat and some chocolates 

My mom gives him also something chocolatey. We went to the mall and bought them the other day. Mom also bought herself a new touch screen phone. It's nothing fancy tho. she just need a new cellphone that can call and take photo. So i pick her simple inexpensive one that has a camera. And she has to learn how to do everything on that phone now. By ''everything'' I mean how to unlock, call, answer a call, read message, take photo, charge battery.... She's a slow learner like most adults her age so we both agree on not even think about going further on learning how to use the internet from there because it will certainly be too confusing. Before she only had a very old fashion phone and not a touch screen. So landing her finger on the touch screen thing is like landing herself on the new found planet someone just discovered. It's unbelievable to think that in year 2014 someone really just has no idea how the touch screen thing work. I always know my mom doesn't know how it works because she never uses it. But seeing her actually learning how to use it and see that she really doesn't know what she's doing is so much more fascinating lol

Spooky bread in a bakery shop reminds me that halloween is coming!

Today I'm thankful for:
-I was able to convince my grandmom to have a small walk!
-Get to give my brother his bd's present.

 

Coming

My brother's birthday is coming up on Oct 29. I'm thinking about making him this chocolate bar. I found a good recipe that looks real easy. And since my brother loves chocolate, this present can never go wrong. Another thing I'm thinking of is to crochet him an amigurumi kitty cat. He becomes such a cataholic since he has his own pet cat and he has been asking me to crochet it for him so many times before. So I'm sure this will make also make another great bd's present for him. It's kinda hard to pick present for guys. I always just get stuck on stupid present's idea like giving food/snack. It feels like a safe choice since everyone need to eat.

Some of my crochet collection

By the way, I'm positive that the spiritual things i listened to at night before bedtime did help me to fall asleep easier. I think listening to anything like audio book should help, doesn't necessarily have to be only spiritual stuffs. Although i haven't yet try listening to something non-spiritual. And not music. I tried listen to music but it didn't work because it only kept me singing. And it's more like it's waking my brain up rather than relaxing it. And another thing I try was meditation...like focusing upon my breath. But that also didn't help because after like 5-10 mins. I got distracted and lost count of my breathing. Hmm...so i don't know if this will help but in case you have trouble falling asleep like me, I suggest you may try listening to audio book. I hope it works for anyone because I know how torturing it is to lay in bed for hours and hours trying every positions you could possibly think of and just wait for that moment when you can finally feel comfortable enough and drift off to a peaceful sleep. Nothing more terrible than having to deal with an endless battle every night .    



Today I'm thankful for:
- My diligence to finally clean half of my bedroom.
- Dinner! It's like some curry but they add pineapple in and cook it together with duck meat. Now i remember that pineapple helps to make the meat tender and for this dish, it also gives sweet & juicy taste to it. Perfect combination i should try to cook something like this sometime.

Match

Yes, I did it! and I'm going to Norway :D
Well...not until i get my visa done which will take some time on that.
But I'm soo excited already.

I thought I'm going to match with this family in Denmark i skyped with last week but things can change surprisingly and sometimes things we are so sure of might not exactly turn out the way we thought it'd be. So expect the unexpected because who knows that the unexpected can be far better off than the expect that you once thought was already best for you.

To be honest, I don't have a clue if this family I'm going to stay with will really be the nice one for sure. I mean i try to choose the one that seems best for me and I'm quite thorough when it comes to that because i don't want to end up staying with some mean family. But from my experience, noone knows anything about anybody until you get to know each other in real life and living together. I mean literally living together in the same house. That's when you can see each other's true colors. It's about risk and it's so much about luck. I still remember I didn't particularly like my host mom in Sweden when i talked to her on skype. It's something about her got me skeptical and so I didn't expect too much that she 'll be anything nice to me. But turned out i was all wrong and she's really one of the nicest person i know. So I was lucky enough to stay with such wonderful swedes and I like to think I'm a lucky person(hm..most of the time). I hope luck will be with me this time in Norway and .... everywhere i go. Because I'll be going alllll over europe !! Ok not alllll over but I'll be wandering around as many places as possible and.... as far as my purse will allow :3  

Photo of Bergen city where i will be. It looks.......europe lol

Once i got there i'll take my own photos of how the original city actually looks like.

Bet it will be much more interesting than this internet photo because I get to snap it with my own eyes and shutter.   

Today I'm thankful for:

- Complete the daily exercise

- Finally match with the host family!

- Wake up early at 8 

- Last night i listen to some spiritual thing (the secret kind of). I really like it and i'm pretty sure it helps with my sleep because i fell asleep so easily after listening to it, when usually i will just lay on my bed for hours trying to get myself to sleep. I think this stuff is great so tonight i'll listen to it again.  

Skin & skype

My facial skin getting sort of like a little breakouts quite often in the past 3 months so today I decide it's time to go meet with the doctor. I used to have really clear healthy skin. It's like the only thing I always get good comments from peopl and i used to feel so lucky i have such a good skin. Honestly, it was almost flawless. Until about a year ago I don't know what happen but my skin weren't the same. I mean people wouldn't say it's that bad but i feel it is myself cause when you used to always have such perfect skin almost all your life and one day it's changed. I feel a lot less confident and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. It does give me a lot of stress. I know i shouldn't worry about it too much but I'm just a girl and I wanna be beautiful the way i was before. I just want my flawless skin back!

The place is like a typical aesthetic clinic we have so many here in Thailand where they guarantee they can make you look beautiful from completely head to toe. Their slogan is ''Don't wait...for anybody to be prettier'' quite a slogan because suddenly it makes you feel the competition lol. Anyway, the doctor i meet with she's very kind which i really like that. It at least makes me feel like i made the right decision to go to this clinic. It's not a famous one but it's near to my place and there' re not so many people there(not sure if that's a good thing). They put on so many face masks and treatments on my face which take a very long time. I just lie there wishing i went to the toilet before this. I had treatments like this at other places before but it never take this long. But well I guess the longer the better because then they got more time to put more of the good stuffs on my face. And they did put so many.. like 10 different gels and creams altogether and some laser they says it helps with pimples. I was trying to count how many steps until it's all done but ended up giving up. Better to just relax and let them smear whatever those are on me.

On the way back I went to the mall and got this super cute eyebrows scissors and a contact lens case which I'm going to use as my vitamins container. I starts to take some daily vitamins since last month, so now I do need some small container to keep my vitamins for when i'm traveling. And I heard it's better to keep your vitamins in an opaque container and mostly all the pillbox i found they are kind of translucent. So this cute little thing should be a safer place for my vitamins!

I had just finished skyping with this danish family. I don't know if finally they will say yes although i have a good feelings. This one is a bit different from my swedish family because most of the time it's host dad who talks while host mom just listens along. Unlike my swedish family where host mom is the talkative one. That doesn't matter though about who talk more or less. This danish family seems to me like an honest and nice family enough for me to spend some quality years with when I'm in Denmark. They asked many questions and we skyped like an hour! That's a record. I don't mind though, it only gives me a good feeling they are serious about this. But they won't let me know until tomorrow for they 'll have to skype with another girl tomorrow night. Then they will decide if I'm the chosen one. They did used the word ''the chosen one'' and so I laughed a little. It's kinda funny.


Today I'm thankful for:

-Meet a kind doctor.
-Had a pleasant interview with the host family.
-Got some new cute stuffs.
-Granny likes the dessert i bought for her (she's picky about food).



   

Host

Good I still keep my hopes up and wrote to another host family in Denmark couple days ago. Guess what, they write me back today says they are interested. So now I'm excited and looking forward to talk to them. Hopefully this time things will go well. I'm not gonna keep my hopes up too high this time because it happened before with this one lesbian family. I was so excited to talk to them and i liked them so much. We sent super long emails and sent many of them, asking & answering all kinds of questions. I don't remember ever writing emails to someone this long and I don't remember getting even longer reply. I felt like this is it. We're definitely going to match. I could imagine we get along because they seem to look at things the way i do with the same perspective and all that you know. And they really seem super nice. Plus the fact that they are lesbian just double my interest towards them. I don't know how people feel about it but I've never in my life get to really know anybody who is lesbian. And wouldn't it be great to actually get to know ones and be close fairly enough to them as a family member, living in the same house, etc. I'm sure they're not much different than other people because in the end we're all the same right. But I don't know, there's still something about them that interests me. Too bad we didn't match in the end because they decided to take someone else who's already in europe. So I was a little sad. And they were very sorry. I can't blame them though. Noone would want to wait when knowing they could get someone else a lot sooner. So i understand that. But just thinking i never feel  like i like any families i talked to as much as how i like them before. But anyway, now i got over it. Just gonna keep my fingers crossed for this one. Hope it really works out with them. I don't want to wait any longer.


Today I'm thankful for:
Positive reply from new family

Express

My grandmom totally took me by surprise today when she told me she loves me. It was very unusual of her to say such sweet thing lol. I mean we are super close but she never say stuff like this. She is one of those people who still stuck in the old generation where people have this feeling of embarrassment if they have to express their feelings too obviously. And I've always been trying to introduce her into the new generation of affectionate love and say it out loud if you love someone. Which I'm so happy to know that my attempt has finally worked out today when she says she loves me! I was just coming down to get my coffee and she just say ''you know what.. I do love you but don't get into my nerves so much. You know I'm old and I'm not so strong'' Something like that's what she said. I know i get into her nerves all the time. But it's so fun teasing her and everything. We laugh together a lot but since she's very old i know sometimes i was having too much fun with her, tease her and hug her too hard and kiss her too often. That does make her feel annoyed and tired. And she absolutely hates it when i kiss her (which make it 3 times more fun to see her trying to hide her face and tell me how weird i am for kissing her too much but in the same time she will have this half smile half laugh on her face because even she hates the kiss, she finds it's hilarious of me to be so persistent to kiss her. And that altogether pretty much cracks both us up lol)

I will have to write more about my grandmom one day because she's like the most important person in my life. I think a lot of us were raised by grandmom/grandpa when we were kids. I'm also raised by my grandmom and that's why I'm so close to her.  

I feel like cooking something tomorrow. Haven't cook anything for a long time. Maybe fried rice since there's not so much of any fancy ingredients in my fridge(as usual).

Today I'm thankful for:

Hearing grandmom says she loves me

Oh almost forget to mention that I finally take my mcdonald garbage bag out of my bedroom today! After I let it sit here on my working table for month. Just always next to me. I could always see it in the corner of my eyes. Now it's gone and it feels like I just lost a dear friend.

Waiting

Mannn where are all the host families go??  I don't want to wait any longer.
Email the agency today and asked about this one family I skyped with one time before. They said they still haven't decide yet on any aupairs. I mean seriously, how long will it take for you to finally make a decision? It's been month!

Maybe I should really apply for the netherlands too. I'm sure there're tons of host family there. But i just really would be a lot happier to go to Norway. And for all the good reasons I know Norway is best for me.

I can't wait to go somewhere new and travel again.

Today I'm thankful for:
I'm alive (I know that's not very creative)

That thing you do

Laziness

Absolutely serious must do right away plan

1. lose weight

2. try to eat healthier

3. sleep early (2 am. the latest)

4. cook more

5. wake up no later than 12

6. shower everyday

7. clean my room

8. wash clothes more often

9. do more things

10. try to go out more

11. spend less time on the computer

12. move more

13. do some real exercise or at least dance 15 mins. every day

Most importantly is STOP BEING LAZY! 

I have been wasting too much time sitting on my gigantic butt and just being lazy for way too long. This is unacceptable even to me. My mom never say anything but i know she feels something awful about it. In her mind she must have think what's got into her daughter. Well the laziness got into me, mom but now i have such a strong will to kick it OUT. Like seriously! I can't believe i still got this big Mcdonald garbage bag full of like 5 empty ice cream cups and burger wraps and french fries boxes and uncountable ketchup packets i ordered just to calm my late night craving of junk foods like 3 weeks ago or when was that i can't even remember. It was that long time and the bag still in my room. No smelly smell yet that's why i don't even bother to take it out. 

Ok being unemployed means i have so much free times i could do whatever the hell i want to do or not do the hell at all which is exactly what i am doing now. But it's not right. I'm free from all the responsibilities at the moment but at least .. one thing.. just this one thing, I still need to be responsible at my own self. And I'm being so irresponsible at myself right now and it starts to make me feel a little crappy. Like what am i doing i'm just wasting my time and my youth and my life and everything. I should at least take care of myself and i'm not even doing that. I am just too busy doing absolutely nothing except for the things i wanna do (which consist only of me eating and being on my laptop all day) So the problem is that it's nothing i do. Zero! I didn't do shit. How scaringly unhealthy is that? I've become horribly horribly lazy. And trust me laziness is like the most evil behavior of all the other evil behaviors out there.         

I'll update later. But tomorrow i'll be waking up at ... no more than 12. That's still late but since i've been getting up at 4 pm. everyday lately, 12 will most likely feel like 6 o'clock in the morning to me.

But I'll try set an alarm at 11 am. first. 11 with snooze. 

Hope it works. 

Today I'm thankful for:

The fact that i try to get rid of the laziness and a good plan for tomorrow.
and the fact that the world has someone so amazing like Ellen. Everytime I watch her show I fall in love with her all over again.

Problem is that it's not just shower. First it's shower, then it's the applying lotion all over your body process. That always take long. And you can't just choose to do one thing like shower but no lotion. Or can you? It just doesn't feel right. It's like if you do it you do it good or not do it at all. 

And what if it's 4 am. and you're kinda smelly but not 'that' smelly?