Waiting

Mannn where are all the host families go??  I don't want to wait any longer.
Email the agency today and asked about this one family I skyped with one time before. They said they still haven't decide yet on any aupairs. I mean seriously, how long will it take for you to finally make a decision? It's been month!

Maybe I should really apply for the netherlands too. I'm sure there're tons of host family there. But i just really would be a lot happier to go to Norway. And for all the good reasons I know Norway is best for me.

I can't wait to go somewhere new and travel again.

Today I'm thankful for:
I'm alive (I know that's not very creative)

That thing you do

Laziness

Absolutely serious must do right away plan

1. lose weight

2. try to eat healthier

3. sleep early (2 am. the latest)

4. cook more

5. wake up no later than 12

6. shower everyday

7. clean my room

8. wash clothes more often

9. do more things

10. try to go out more

11. spend less time on the computer

12. move more

13. do some real exercise or at least dance 15 mins. every day

Most importantly is STOP BEING LAZY! 

I have been wasting too much time sitting on my gigantic butt and just being lazy for way too long. This is unacceptable even to me. My mom never say anything but i know she feels something awful about it. In her mind she must have think what's got into her daughter. Well the laziness got into me, mom but now i have such a strong will to kick it OUT. Like seriously! I can't believe i still got this big Mcdonald garbage bag full of like 5 empty ice cream cups and burger wraps and french fries boxes and uncountable ketchup packets i ordered just to calm my late night craving of junk foods like 3 weeks ago or when was that i can't even remember. It was that long time and the bag still in my room. No smelly smell yet that's why i don't even bother to take it out. 

Ok being unemployed means i have so much free times i could do whatever the hell i want to do or not do the hell at all which is exactly what i am doing now. But it's not right. I'm free from all the responsibilities at the moment but at least .. one thing.. just this one thing, I still need to be responsible at my own self. And I'm being so irresponsible at myself right now and it starts to make me feel a little crappy. Like what am i doing i'm just wasting my time and my youth and my life and everything. I should at least take care of myself and i'm not even doing that. I am just too busy doing absolutely nothing except for the things i wanna do (which consist only of me eating and being on my laptop all day) So the problem is that it's nothing i do. Zero! I didn't do shit. How scaringly unhealthy is that? I've become horribly horribly lazy. And trust me laziness is like the most evil behavior of all the other evil behaviors out there.         

I'll update later. But tomorrow i'll be waking up at ... no more than 12. That's still late but since i've been getting up at 4 pm. everyday lately, 12 will most likely feel like 6 o'clock in the morning to me.

But I'll try set an alarm at 11 am. first. 11 with snooze. 

Hope it works. 

Today I'm thankful for:

The fact that i try to get rid of the laziness and a good plan for tomorrow.
and the fact that the world has someone so amazing like Ellen. Everytime I watch her show I fall in love with her all over again.

Problem is that it's not just shower. First it's shower, then it's the applying lotion all over your body process. That always take long. And you can't just choose to do one thing like shower but no lotion. Or can you? It just doesn't feel right. It's like if you do it you do it good or not do it at all. 

And what if it's 4 am. and you're kinda smelly but not 'that' smelly?

Love, Rosie

Currently reading this book 

Haven't finish it yet but so far 

  the story's been lovely!

Isn't everyone want to have best friend like this Alex from the book?

 I will need to see the movie version because the trailer was so touching it got me goosebumps. 

I hope they really make a great movie out of it. Cause if not...mann I hate being disappointed. Like with those twilight books, they are great great book! Then the movie came out as lame as they could make it to be. Absolutely nothing compares to the book.

Today's quote:
Sometimes, people can go missing right before our very eyes. Sometimes, people can discover you, even though they've been looking at you the entire time. Sometimes, we lose sight of ourselves when we're not paying enough attention.
-Cecelia Ahern/Love, Rosie


Today I'm thankful for:
Rain! It rained almost all day today. And that lower the temperature to just about right!

If you ever want to read the book I got ya link !

http://marimarister.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/cecilia-ahern-love-rosie.pdf

Enjoy :)

Quote

Oh i just want to write this down before i forget.
It's a quote. I come up with it myself last night when i was lying on bed thinking about someone who i'd like to name Mr. pretending. It's a fake name obviously but he actually exist. 


Here goes the quotes

-I won't forget you .. not because you mean so much to me. But how can i ever forget someone who i don't even remember in the first place.

-You're not a piece of shit because even a piece of shit still too much for you to be. You're just not exist. You're just nothing.

Ouch much?

I'm surprised at how i can be so mean cause usually I'm a nice girl. yes very nice you could slap me and i will still be smiling at you. no.
And I'm surprised that i actually devoted my brain so much into thinking of quotes for this Mr. Pretending. Sarcastic quotes like this usually use a lot more energy and passion than any other kind of quotes I would say. He should be proud of himself that after all this time he still influences me so much. But I'm sure he doesn't even know he does. I actually don't think he ever realized any of the shits he did that causing me to feel like a total idiot. He's brainless and probably slightly heartless too and he never seems to know what's going on. Or it could be that he knows all along but pretending not to know. That's how I named him Mr. pretending. And gosh just to hurt me even more I don't think he ever think of me anymore. And that makes me feel so damn stupid like i am the most pathetic girl in the whole entire universe who still cannot get over him and how pretending asshole and fake he is. It really sucks. 

Sometimes i can almost convince myself to believe how much of an asshole he is. But most of the time i just think of him and smile pathetically alone then after caught myself thinking of him again for the eighty thousand times it just left me feeling so fucked up. I hate every seconds i spend hating over him cause i know i can never really hate him.  

I just need to get over him. Get over every stupid things about him then i can be in peace again. 

I am apologize for such deep intense anger i have you could probably feel it through every cursing words i swear but i can't help it.     


Quote of the day:
''Give your love to those who deserve''
(I need to dig real deep into my brain and bury this quote in there, memorize it good and act accordingly just for the sake of my fragile heart!)


Today i am thankful for:
-I was able to force myself to go out for a little bit (to the supermarket)
-The 2 delicious cakes i bought from the market. Wanted to just eat one today and save another for tomorrow. But it was good so i just finished them all today. This happens all the time no surprise I'm fat.
-Thank you for new pens. They are awesome. Makes my crappy writing goes smoother than everr. It's just a pen but hey this is like GOD of all pens. It's that amazing cause I didn't expect it to write good or anything. I just bought them because they are super cheap. 20 baht for a pack of 8. And look how cheap stuff can actually be good. And how much I LOVE the 20 baht shop here!


Oh yea and I ain't got a diary yet cause they don't have that kind of diary i want. But instead got a notebook which  i use it now as a temporary diary since i wanted to write so much with my new goddess pen. 

This is like a school kid can't get over new stationary.

Concern

Still not gettin a real diary. 

Haven't go out to the outside world yet that's why. 

All i do is waking up as late as i possibly can , eat and go on the internet and eat and go on the goddamn internet and sleep and basically repeating that all over again the next day and the next days.

How cool is that

I am upset at myself for doing this but i can't stop doing it cuz in the same time it feel so relax so lazy and so free like you don't have to care about a single shit on the planet. You just breath in and out. I could anticipate my brain might stop working one day cuz i never use it to think of anything anymore.

Did not shower last night.

Woke up this afternoon (4.30pm) still haven't shower until now (2am)  

Thanks god i was able to brush my teeth and wash my face.

So from neck up is kinda clean but body stinky.

Been watching movie all day.

At least i found something good to watch. 

I really need to stop doing this to myself 

But oh god it's just so hard.

i think i feel pretty normal today. And normal day to me means im pretty happy and i am.

But it's just the fact that it's such a useless life?...or i don't know.

To be honest i like it like this but i know i can't do this forever and the idea of not doing a thing all day long is considered as such a waste of one's life noone should ever live their life like that right?

Even though it's what I secretly hope I could do it everyday....hmm
Imagine how chillax life would be 
but maybe that also comes with how meaningless you would feel...   

A little bit of emotional roller-coaster day

well it's good it means I'm not as chill as i think i am and that my brain still working somewhat since i still have this worry about my life.

I still give some shit and that should be a relief!

Today I'm thankful for:

-I do have a concern about my own life

I guess it's difficult to think of things you're thankful for when you didn't do a damn thing all day 

long. 

   

Diary

I think if i am not too lazy tomorrow i will go buy myself a diary .. like a real diary book.
Because i feel like writing something so much since yesterday. Also i start going on pinterest so much lately and pin so many things. It's actually kinda fun...but ya So i have this feelings that i want to write stuffs then i go on pinterest and search for the diary ideas. Loads of nice pictures of diaries come up I just look through all but i don't think i really like any of them. Then i've been thinking so much about how i would like my diary book to be like. Like very pretty full of cute doodles & drawings and paint with colorful things..but then it hits me that i absolutely have no talent on such things like drawing or painting. But now i kinda know what i want and it simply just come up that i want it to be very normal, very simple diary. And it really doesn't need to be so fancy right? cuz i mean who's going to see it anyway. I am the only one who can see it and the idea of having it for me is to read what i did and what i felt on the particular days of my life. Like when in the future if i feel like want to know my old self of how i felt/think on that old days i can just always come back and reread. It'd be fun to remember your old self.

And I will also have a small section that i will write about
- Things to be thankful for today
or
- Today i am thankful for

Can't decide yet between those 2 section's name but so the section will be about the thing that i am thankful for the days.

This is good because then i can always remind myself to be thankful of something everyday.

And ''quotes'' cuz i love quotes so i think i might as well add quotes i like into the diary. This is not like a must have section but the thankful section will be a must to write every time i keep a diary cuz it's a good thing to always be thankful !!