Saturday, May 28, 2016

g

There's a possibility I may have to go work in Canada...again..far away from home and everything i know..and grandmom...

It scares me every time to think that one day she won't be here with me anymore. It tears me up almost every time thinkin about it. I dont know why I have such a special bond with her. So special i know in my heart i'll never feel like this again with anyone else. There's noone like her in this world. And if i lost her i will lost this feelings forever. How will i survive like that? It scares me to the core. I think of it quite often actually. Dunno if it's good or bad but I want to be prepare for it. I've never scared of anything this much before in my life and this clearly the most scariest feeling in the world. How can i live without my grandmom? My precious grandmom. My favorite person in the whole world. My best friend. I will miss her so much and it will hurt so bad. I just knew it already that when that time comes.. that it's going to be the most difficult time in my life. I can't see how i will cope with that but i want to believe in myself that i'm strong enough and when that time really comes I will find a way to continue living my life and keeping her in my heart and realize that this is life and this happens all the time to everyone.


    

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

H

I'm such a loser at following up my agenda. All my to do lists I plan once i get back home are far away from accomplish. I hate myself for this. I hate that i cannot control my eating habit. Its really the only thing that stop me from doing cool things...

So far my Amazon sold 3 rings in about a month period which is...i guess ok. Still have to see how it will go. It need s time. And right now still no feedback so..

I really want a puppy..so much now but i know i still shouldn't have it considering my income. Need to wait for Amazon to grow better or if it never grows better than this then I'll need to have a real job so i can feed my own puppy. Cuz if i have a puppy this time its going to be my own puppy and i dont want my mom to pay for food or things like that anymore. Thats why i cannot just have a puppy now. If this was before i would just get a puppy from wherever and take it home and my mom would be just a little upset at first but puppy is cute and mom will fall in love with it in the end. It's as easy as that when i was younger but now I need to be responsible for the thing i take home. And the thing like a puppy is serious business.
Anyway i already have a few names for my future puppy.
-ไดโนเสาร์
-godzila
-broccoli
-นางฟ้า

Been thinking about these names since i was in norway. I really start wanting a puppy back then. Actually having a puppy is in one of my agenda.

Last night was ordering mcdonald again. 3 sunday ice creams  , a hamburger , 1 big french fries. Only gave less than half a cup of the ice cream to granny and i finished the rest of the food. I'm hopeless when it comes to controlling how much food i should put in my mouth. And I spend too much money on food like seriously.

Life is hard already why can't we just eat everything we want and not gain weight?
Life is hard but food makes it 10 times harder than it's actually is.    



 

Monday, February 8, 2016

I'm coming home

So the ticket to Thailand has booked and I'm going back home on 24th :)
Cant wait to see grandmom and everyone. Now i will have to prepare things for leaving again .. that keeps me sorta busy.

I'm having a trouble sleeping at night again but this time its becuz i sleep too much in a day time. I would sleep from 8am - 12 or 13 pm. and then by night i will just keep tossing and turning for 3-4 hours. and my body always  feel so hot in the blanket but then too cold if i put any parts out of it. I need to stop napping in the morning I mean that's really more like a real sleep what i did becuz its for too long. But i just got tired in the morning from lacking of sleep at night so its hard to keep myself awake and especially when there is nothing like work to do. And i sleep so damn good in the morning time. My body just stays in perfect temperature in the same blanket. WTH. So everytime i tried to keep myself awake in the morning i really couldn't becuz just thinking about the feelings of staying the blanket in a cold morning and sleep so well wins over anything.
 Well obviously..I haven't tried hard enough.

Now i  dont eat 1 meal anymore. new plan again hahahaaaa
eat 2 main meals with those mushroom omelette and rice and some fruits or mushroom omelette again between day. Been doing well on that and need to stick to this until going back home becuz i need to lose some weights and look good so my mom will be happy to see me not looking obese like last year when i went back home from Sweden.

Friday, January 22, 2016

movie

One of my plan to do when i get back to thailand is to at least keep a diary once a week. Then i figure i dont have to wait till im back in Thailand to follow that plan cuz i can start doing it right here and now. And i better do that , i mean there's no excuse not to do it. I know i always find an excuse to not do my things. I really spoil myself too much, it sucks.

Some of my plans i can start already are..for example this (keep a diary at least once a week) , read a book every month and eat one meal a day. 

About 2 weeks ago i went to see a movie (In the heart of a sea) with a friend. The only reason we went for a movie is becuz there's nothing to do on a sunday in Bergen. Everything is closed on a sunday. Some restaurants are open though. Isn't that crazy when you think about it ? Maybe its becuz i come from a super city place that i find this still so unusual. Movie ticket here cost around 120-150 kr. I dont remember it exactly and we watched in 3D so got a extra 3D glasses for 20 kr. 

I enjoyed the movie but nothing special about it. And its shockingly tiny inside the cinema. It's like a movie room in someone's house or something. It's that small. It's like 6 times bigger here in Thailand. I actually went to a cinema one time before here but i dont remember it was this small. And my friend who is from Austria  thinks the same. We just walked in there and looked at each other and laughed becuz it's ridiculously tiny.


It's a tradition everywhere on this planet to get popcorn before a movie !

There are popcorn seasoning here in Norway. Thats new to me.
So you have salt, cinnamon, sugar to sprinkle on.
Feeling cute in a dark place




A little excited for  new year's cookies


From this week  on it will continue to rain again for a long while as the forecast says. Snow will soon be gone. And i can bet that around this time that i will slip like crazy everywhere i walk on. I still have no idea how people here walk. They seem to relax and chill with their move. Some even run. I cant believe it. When I spend every second not to lose my focus on every step i take. So careful I look like i do walking meditation. Basically I look like an idiot around this season. I wish i know their secret of walking like them, like a norwegian. It must be one and nobody has told me that yet.    

Friday, January 8, 2016

X'mas & new year

Kinda too late to blog about X'mas and new year now but anyway

Really wasnt doing much to celebrate it. Just had a long holiday which i spent that wisely by did nothing but ate everything i wanted(that ended up with some impressive gain) and feel lonely especially on the 31th where instead of went out with friend, i decided i will just gunna be home becuz i had been bingeing so much a week before(since x'mas or no.. honestly before that) and so on new years eve i felt too fat to go out and do things so i stayed home bingeing again...like who cares about celebrating new year fuck it i have my food and youtube and the whole house is mine to enjoy. Anyways...that fuck it feeling lasted only around midnight when  hearing all the fireworks and me peeking through the windows and door to see them from my hiding space and i felt left out. I can tell it's a bad feelings. I dunno why but i tends to feel more lonely around the holiday time, especially x'mas and new year. The holiday would pass by and i'd enjoy myself if only i go out and do things but often times im not sure why i always end up too lazy to go out and believe i'm gunna be fine being home then everytime ... not as fine as i thought i'd be.

I hope 2016 i can change that. Be more outgoing and less lazy and you know...just really spending every moments wisely so you have no regrets you should've done that...   




˙˙ Some X'mas photos ˚˚

Star lighting and the neighbor house

I feel in love with this snowman lightbulb 


X'mas nail sticker theme

Oops I did it (nails) again 


Dinner

Jeaden and the X'mas tree >o<
Must have gingerbread house 



A little gift  for my host family : )


The weather is getting colder now finally , way later than i expected. I still went out for a walk this afternoon. It was around -4 and i was out for about 20 mins and felt cold and my face was red already so maybe no more power walk this month -o-

I can't wait to go back to Thailand now. It's so funny I have so many plans to do and for once i feel like its really something i want to do and it will make sense not only for me but for the ones i love and I can't wait to do them. Can't wait to see my grandmom and to be a better me for my mom and my family. It will be a new beginning again and i want to get it start already.




Sunday, February 8, 2015

Church

Yesterday i tried church...it was a whole new experience for me.
It was...hmm..I'd say ok..but...it's hard to even explain it but i will try. It felt like it's just not the place for me. But i'd rather say that maybe the church itself is the place for me because i remember how I always like  to go sit in the church when i went to christian school. It's peaceful in there but here it's totally different. They are so many people singing and dancing and chatting and to be honest I didn't feel a second of peaceful mind while i was there.

I was invited by the girl i know through facebook. And mostly all the church people are filipinos. and from what i've seen so far, filipinos people are sooo social! And i always get scared a little by people who are too social. It's not that they are not nice. It's actually the opposite, they are super nice and friendly and very welcoming new faces who join them there. But i guess that's why i don't feel comfortable. I just prefer shy people(maybe because we always like thing that's similar to us?) And another thing i feel a little uncomfortable is how they talk and pray to god. They seem so intense. It seems like everything they do in life is revolved around god. On their fb page they post about all things about god. They actually invited me to someone's house after the church ended yesterday just to hang around and watch some movies. Sure i didn't go. I just needed to say no which's not very nice of me consider how nice they were. But what i understood in my head at the moment when they said 'watching movie' i thought they meant they're gonna watch some normal hollywood movie or something like that. But later i realized it's actually movie about god that they watched.

Maybe i have so much sins in me I just can't seem to live my life that close to god like how they do. But naw i don't think i am, even after i just found out i didn't like church here >.<  But I guess anything that's too much and too intense just not gonna work for me. I'll continue my belief  that everything should be in moderation. Nothing too much or too little and you'll be just fine. It's what they called ''the middle path'' and that's actually buddhist. Technically, i'd say I'm buddhist but it really doesn't matter. I'm more of a little bit of everything. I often pray to god. I don't know if god will really listen to you if you're not entirely christian/catholic and I don't even know what's the difference between them. But still, i pray.

I talked to a few filipino girls there. They seems very nice or if i say it right...they seems too nice it makes me uncomfortable.  But there's one girl her name is Joan. She looks real nice and not too nice like others and i like her. She's actually the one who invited me on fb. But the problem is i dunno if any of them will still want to hang out with me if i'm not going to join them in church anymore. And I'm also not sure about that myself if it'll be fun to hang out with them out of church. It could be possible they talk about god all the time ? Or they might try to ask me to go to church again. They already did that and i felt just sorry i had to deny them...
Oh well..I'll see what happen!  

I also met with Fernando at the church. It was crazy enough i invited him but it's crazier when he wants to come even though he knows he's gonna hate it. But he came anyway and he hated it lol but well we got to meet for the first time. He's not as tall as i thought he'd be and his english is quite a problem which he warned me before but it was all funny because of that. And it was a good idea I invited him there because i was feeling so awkward sitting there in the church counting how many minutes have passed already so this could end and right next to me he's sitting on his chair looking like he's also having the best time of his life lol no just he looked like a bored panda and didn't seem like he knew what the hell he's doing here. It makes you feel ok to know you're not the only one who doesn't feel right in the place where other people seem to enjoy so bad. The girl 'Joan' she has to take a bus for 1 hour to come here every saturday just for this. And she pays the ticket herself. I'm stunned but a lot of respect to that.

It was such a bad weather on saturday and super windy even when you walk in the city. It's possible you could get blow away by that wind right in the city center. It's crazy the weather, rain, snow, sunshine, everything in one day. And each of them come with their full performances. But i bet there will be times when i will see worse. This is probably just a greeting from the city of Bergen says...WELCOME Ploy!


Fer took it when we're out from mcdonald and walking to bybanen.
It looks as if everything here's calm but it wasn't.
There were storm and yeaa stormss 





     


Sunday, February 1, 2015

Hello Norway


I wish I do an update on this more often just so i won't forget the moments.
I'm already here in Norway since Jan 22. The flight was fine but super tired since it took almost 20 hours to get here. I get to fly with the new dreamliner plane again. And everything here seems good so far. The host family seems nice enough and I like the place. The location is the best part of the place because it's not in the middle of nowhere like when i was in Sweden. I can even walk to the mall within 10 mins from home and I couldn't be more happy about that :) To Bergen center is 30 mins by ''bybanen''

The only bad thing i can think of right now is the weather. Today is actually the very first day i get to see sunshine! It mostly rains here. I guess I'll just have to start liking the rain now or ... there's no other choice I'll just have to like it !

I hope to start my norwegian language course(norskkurs) soon after i get my id card so i can meet some more friends. I'm in need of finding companies here. It's a bit difficult to find other aupairs here, easier in the capital like Oslo. And they have such a suckie ''aupair in Norway'' page on facebook. You can't really find any friends from there. The ''aupair in stockholm'' page is so much better. Hopefully I'll find some nice people when i go to school.

And there's one thing that bothered me. On the day my mom and brother sent me at the airport. I remember i kissed my grandmom so many times i can't remember how many, yet that still didn't seem i kissed her enough. When we drove off to the airport i shed only one drop of tear because i saw my grandmom standing in front of the house and waving me good bye. But that's it, no other drop of tears at the airport..I didn't even feel like crying. I remember I was almost gonna cry last time when leaving to Sweden. But the thing that bothers me is that i didn't kiss my mom #_# I just didn't feel like kissing her at the moment. I mean I feel like kissing her a little but then it didn't feel like i need to and because we don't normally kiss so i just say goodbye and give a little hug. But she kissed my cheek. Then i remember went up the stairs and looked back for one last time and chuckled a little because I saw they were still standing there staring and waiting for me to look back one last time. and then at the end of the stairs, they're out of my sight and it hit me right there at the very moment that i should have kissed my mom. Like it was so stupid of me how could i miss that. It really was such a strong feeling that I missed something so important. And I should never forget this feeling ever again. I promise to myself that I'll kiss her if I'll ever have to leave her again.


Goodbye mom 


Today i get to go out a little bit to the city and to the coffee shop. I was walking around and looking for a nice coffee shop and so glad i found this one. It's actually the one i was looking on the internet. Didn't think I'll actually find the place today. But i did and I love it! Now I'm not so afraid if sunday i'll be bored at home because at least there's still this one place I know I can always go. They have a lovely cozy basement where i sit today alone almost the entire 2 hours i was there. Until this dating couple came and ruined my peaceful moment. Well, can't say they ruined it because I enjoyed listening to them a little. It's asian woman and if i'm not wrong norwegian guy .. but they talk in english. It was a lot of giggling, mostly from the woman. To me she seems so enthusiastic and the guy seems bored enough lol or I don't know. One time the woman asked...and so who are you?? *giggle*


I own this cozy place!