g

There's a possibility I may have to go work in Canada...again..far away from home and everything i know..and grandmom...

It scares me every time to think that one day she won't be here with me anymore. It tears me up almost every time thinkin about it. I dont know why I have such a special bond with her. So special i know in my heart i'll never feel like this again with anyone else. There's noone like her in this world. And if i lost her i will lost this feelings forever. How will i survive like that? It scares me to the core. I think of it quite often actually. Dunno if it's good or bad but I want to be prepare for it. I've never scared of anything this much before in my life and this clearly the most scariest feeling in the world. How can i live without my grandmom? My precious grandmom. My favorite person in the whole world. My best friend. I will miss her so much and it will hurt so bad. I just knew it already that when that time comes.. that it's going to be the most difficult time in my life. I can't see how i will cope with that but i want to believe in myself that i'm strong enough and when that time really comes I will find a way to continue living my life and keeping her in my heart and realize that this is life and this happens all the time to everyone.


    

H

I'm such a loser at following up my agenda. All my to do lists I plan once i get back home are far away from accomplish. I hate myself for this. I hate that i cannot control my eating habit. Its really the only thing that stop me from doing cool things...

So far my Amazon sold 3 rings in about a month period which is...i guess ok. Still have to see how it will go. It need s time. And right now still no feedback so..

I really want a puppy..so much now but i know i still shouldn't have it considering my income. Need to wait for Amazon to grow better or if it never grows better than this then I'll need to have a real job so i can feed my own puppy. Cuz if i have a puppy this time its going to be my own puppy and i dont want my mom to pay for food or things like that anymore. Thats why i cannot just have a puppy now. If this was before i would just get a puppy from wherever and take it home and my mom would be just a little upset at first but puppy is cute and mom will fall in love with it in the end. It's as easy as that when i was younger but now I need to be responsible for the thing i take home. And the thing like a puppy is serious business.
Anyway i already have a few names for my future puppy.
-ไดโนเสาร์
-godzila
-broccoli
-นางฟ้า

Been thinking about these names since i was in norway. I really start wanting a puppy back then. Actually having a puppy is in one of my agenda.

Last night was ordering mcdonald again. 3 sunday ice creams  , a hamburger , 1 big french fries. Only gave less than half a cup of the ice cream to granny and i finished the rest of the food. I'm hopeless when it comes to controlling how much food i should put in my mouth. And I spend too much money on food like seriously.

Life is hard already why can't we just eat everything we want and not gain weight?
Life is hard but food makes it 10 times harder than it's actually is.    



 

I'm coming home

So the ticket to Thailand has booked and I'm going back home on 24th :)
Cant wait to see grandmom and everyone. Now i will have to prepare things for leaving again .. that keeps me sorta busy.

I'm having a trouble sleeping at night again but this time its becuz i sleep too much in a day time. I would sleep from 8am - 12 or 13 pm. and then by night i will just keep tossing and turning for 3-4 hours. and my body always  feel so hot in the blanket but then too cold if i put any parts out of it. I need to stop napping in the morning I mean that's really more like a real sleep what i did becuz its for too long. But i just got tired in the morning from lacking of sleep at night so its hard to keep myself awake and especially when there is nothing like work to do. And i sleep so damn good in the morning time. My body just stays in perfect temperature in the same blanket. WTH. So everytime i tried to keep myself awake in the morning i really couldn't becuz just thinking about the feelings of staying the blanket in a cold morning and sleep so well wins over anything.
 Well obviously..I haven't tried hard enough.

Now i  dont eat 1 meal anymore. new plan again hahahaaaa
eat 2 main meals with those mushroom omelette and rice and some fruits or mushroom omelette again between day. Been doing well on that and need to stick to this until going back home becuz i need to lose some weights and look good so my mom will be happy to see me not looking obese like last year when i went back home from Sweden.

movie

One of my plan to do when i get back to thailand is to at least keep a diary once a week. Then i figure i dont have to wait till im back in Thailand to follow that plan cuz i can start doing it right here and now. And i better do that , i mean there's no excuse not to do it. I know i always find an excuse to not do my things. I really spoil myself too much, it sucks.

Some of my plans i can start already are..for example this (keep a diary at least once a week) , read a book every month and eat one meal a day. 

About 2 weeks ago i went to see a movie (In the heart of a sea) with a friend. The only reason we went for a movie is becuz there's nothing to do on a sunday in Bergen. Everything is closed on a sunday. Some restaurants are open though. Isn't that crazy when you think about it ? Maybe its becuz i come from a super city place that i find this still so unusual. Movie ticket here cost around 120-150 kr. I dont remember it exactly and we watched in 3D so got a extra 3D glasses for 20 kr. 

I enjoyed the movie but nothing special about it. And its shockingly tiny inside the cinema. It's like a movie room in someone's house or something. It's that small. It's like 6 times bigger here in Thailand. I actually went to a cinema one time before here but i dont remember it was this small. And my friend who is from Austria  thinks the same. We just walked in there and looked at each other and laughed becuz it's ridiculously tiny.

It's a tradition everywhere on this planet to get popcorn before a movie !

There are popcorn seasoning here in Norway. Thats new to me.
So you have salt, cinnamon, sugar to sprinkle on.

Feeling cute in a dark place

A little excited for  new year's cookies

From this week  on it will continue to rain again for a long while as the forecast says. Snow will soon be gone. And i can bet that around this time that i will slip like crazy everywhere i walk on. I still have no idea how people here walk. They seem to relax and chill with their move. Some even run. I cant believe it. When I spend every second not to lose my focus on every step i take. So careful I look like i do walking meditation. Basically I look like an idiot around this season. I wish i know their secret of walking like them, like a norwegian. It must be one and nobody has told me that yet.    

X'mas & new year

Kinda too late to blog about X'mas and new year now but anyway

Really wasnt doing much to celebrate it. Just had a long holiday which i spent that wisely by did nothing but ate everything i wanted(that ended up with some impressive gain) and feel lonely especially on the 31th where instead of went out with friend, i decided i will just gunna be home becuz i had been bingeing so much a week before(since x'mas or no.. honestly before that) and so on new years eve i felt too fat to go out and do things so i stayed home bingeing again...like who cares about celebrating new year fuck it i have my food and youtube and the whole house is mine to enjoy. Anyways...that fuck it feeling lasted only around midnight when  hearing all the fireworks and me peeking through the windows and door to see them from my hiding space and i felt left out. I can tell it's a bad feelings. I dunno why but i tends to feel more lonely around the holiday time, especially x'mas and new year. The holiday would pass by and i'd enjoy myself if only i go out and do things but often times im not sure why i always end up too lazy to go out and believe i'm gunna be fine being home then everytime ... not as fine as i thought i'd be.

I hope 2016 i can change that. Be more outgoing and less lazy and you know...just really spending every moments wisely so you have no regrets you should've done that...   

˙˙ Some X'mas photos ˚˚

Star lighting and the neighbor house

I feel in love with this snowman lightbulb 

X'mas nail sticker theme

Oops I did it (nails) again 

Dinner

Jeaden and the X'mas tree >o<

Must have gingerbread house 

A little gift  for my host family : )

The weather is getting colder now finally , way later than i expected. I still went out for a walk this afternoon. It was around -4 and i was out for about 20 mins and felt cold and my face was red already so maybe no more power walk this month -o-

I can't wait to go back to Thailand now. It's so funny I have so many plans to do and for once i feel like its really something i want to do and it will make sense not only for me but for the ones i love and I can't wait to do them. Can't wait to see my grandmom and to be a better me for my mom and my family. It will be a new beginning again and i want to get it start already.