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There's a possibility I may have to go work in Canada...again..far away from home and everything i know..and grandmom...

It scares me every time to think that one day she won't be here with me anymore. It tears me up almost every time thinkin about it. I dont know why I have such a special bond with her. So special i know in my heart i'll never feel like this again with anyone else. There's noone like her in this world. And if i lost her i will lost this feelings forever. How will i survive like that? It scares me to the core. I think of it quite often actually. Dunno if it's good or bad but I want to be prepare for it. I've never scared of anything this much before in my life and this clearly the most scariest feeling in the world. How can i live without my grandmom? My precious grandmom. My favorite person in the whole world. My best friend. I will miss her so much and it will hurt so bad. I just knew it already that when that time comes.. that it's going to be the most difficult time in my life. I can't see how i will cope with that but i want to believe in myself that i'm strong enough and when that time really comes I will find a way to continue living my life and keeping her in my heart and realize that this is life and this happens all the time to everyone.


    

H

I'm such a loser at following up my agenda. All my to do lists I plan once i get back home are far away from accomplish. I hate myself for this. I hate that i cannot control my eating habit. Its really the only thing that stop me from doing cool things...

So far my Amazon sold 3 rings in about a month period which is...i guess ok. Still have to see how it will go. It need s time. And right now still no feedback so..

I really want a puppy..so much now but i know i still shouldn't have it considering my income. Need to wait for Amazon to grow better or if it never grows better than this then I'll need to have a real job so i can feed my own puppy. Cuz if i have a puppy this time its going to be my own puppy and i dont want my mom to pay for food or things like that anymore. Thats why i cannot just have a puppy now. If this was before i would just get a puppy from wherever and take it home and my mom would be just a little upset at first but puppy is cute and mom will fall in love with it in the end. It's as easy as that when i was younger but now I need to be responsible for the thing i take home. And the thing like a puppy is serious business.
Anyway i already have a few names for my future puppy.
-ไดโนเสาร์
-godzila
-broccoli
-นางฟ้า

Been thinking about these names since i was in norway. I really start wanting a puppy back then. Actually having a puppy is in one of my agenda.

Last night was ordering mcdonald again. 3 sunday ice creams  , a hamburger , 1 big french fries. Only gave less than half a cup of the ice cream to granny and i finished the rest of the food. I'm hopeless when it comes to controlling how much food i should put in my mouth. And I spend too much money on food like seriously.

Life is hard already why can't we just eat everything we want and not gain weight?
Life is hard but food makes it 10 times harder than it's actually is.